Track diary: "Scars" (ft. Dean Johnson)

On collaborating with Mean Dean

Flashback to 2023. It was my first headlining tour for Safe to Run with my full band, and Dean Johnson generously agreed to ride with us and support the tour. Dean is a close friend and an incredible songwriter; I was thrilled to have so much quality time together.

One night after a show in Pinedale, WY, I was given the ultimate gift: my own hotel room. When I get my own room on tour, I am 99.9% likely to write a song. I am an introvert, and I feel most uninhibited and creative when completely alone. I set the scene for a morning writing session by borrowing Dean’s 1970 Harmony Sovereign so I could hopefully extract some Dean magic. I placed piñon incense and a lighter on the chintzy Best Western desk.

Another gift of privacy - feeling my feelings. I awoke ugly crying from a twisted jealous dream. Fully formed teardrops rolled down my cheeks. In my dream, I witnessed scenes from my past that hurt me. I was trapped, watching.

This song marks the start of a process that has unfolded ever since: recognizing my pattern and understanding how my reaction can either support or destroy connection.

And I make myself so hard to find

You’ll never stand a chance to get it right, every time

Let’s invite all your friends

And have a big fight

It dawned on me recently that intimacy is the main theme throughout all five of my records. Not heartache. And each time I create a body of work, I hope to have peeled away a new layer of wisdom. It’s as if I am a perpetual student, and intimacy is my subject.

Production notes: Dean had worked out his harmonies on tour, and we performed the song a few times live, so it had to be him on the recording. We decided to keep the arrangement very minimal, à la Nothing For Me, Please, so spare. Just a bubbly baritone guitar overdub. That he sang on my song, and that it was recorded, and that you can listen to it, does feel like a minor miracle.

Mean Dean fever is at an all-time high! Are you experiencing symptoms?

Dean announced his devastating new album last week. Tickets for our co-headline solo tour are on sale now, so scoop them up before they’re forever gone! We will certainly do some tunes together, and since it will be December, perhaps we can all wear our ugly sweaters and be so completely cozy together. We are going to party like it’s 2023.