Track Diary: "New Bad"

On collaborating with multidisciplinary artist and NYT bestselling author Anna Marie Tendler

The wildcard. Leaps from the speakers. The verses in this song remind me of my early writing, like “Wanton Way of Loving”. Very “bad girl” with lots of swagger.

Photo by Char Klein

There are two competing archetypes: New Bad, who kneels for no one and runs from her past (For my super nerds, picture Lanfear from Wheel of Time). And then we have The Fallen Queen, an all-seeing, compassionate presence who can distill life experiences into wisdom. She knows that what she fears is what she wants—hidden desires trapped under the guise of fear.

It’s about getting older and being able to recognize big life patterns that come around again and again. So, what are you going to do differently this time around? Are you going to ask for what you want? Or are you going to blow it up?

Underneath

Trapped inside

All my fear

Is desire

And I want to set it free

But I'm as bad as bad can be

Production notes: Sonically, this song sounds like Everclear is in an arm wrestling match with The Strokes. It’s a part grunge, part shoegaze, part alt-country thing. Boy-band energy. I needed a fluttering sound in the chorus, and we spent hours finding the right flutter. In the end, it was an electric guitar played unplugged. I remember Ross saying he imagined he was in The Cranberries when he was belting out the harmony in the chorus.

Video notes: Working with Anna Marie Tendler on visuals was the collaboration I’ve always dreamed of. We sparked an easy, natural rapport out of mutual admiration. After I read her book Men Have Called Her Crazy, I sent her a note saying that my unreleased album and her memoir were spiritual twins. Luckily, she agreed. We spent four days driving to desolate locations around Santa Fe, searching for a burned-out car (that we never found), talking about big-picture life/art/heart stuff, and goofing off. Lots of driving in silence and looking out the windshield at epically beautiful New Mexico. Oh yeah, and she also shot, directed, and edited the music video for “New Bad”!

Here’s the link to watch.

Photo by Anna Marie Tendler

Anna also photographed the album artwork. Her fine art photos are captivating, dark, and sensual. They linger in the mind long after seeing them. I think Anna captured a part of me that no one has before. A lot of that had to do with the ease, trust and communication that we had going in. But also it is Anna's exquisite gift: to really see people. Conceptually, we were playing with contrast. On the album cover, we have The Fallen Queen, feminine in a white gown, needing protection. And then there’s New Bad, eyes closed, dancing in the light. We both agreed that New Bad is having more fun. Fun fact: on the back cover is the The Clown (more on that soon).

Pre-order ‘Want’

Leaving lots of threads open here, but I want this album to unfold for you as mysteriously as it did for me <3

With love,

Esther Rose